Monday, September 9, 2013

A New Course In Our Journey

Well, I've come to an EXTREMELY difficult but needed decision. This has been coming for months now I suppose, but I was always afraid to make the final call so to say... After a discussion with my husband, a whole lot of prayer and confirmation in all directions I think we're calling it quits to try to conceive any further through my own body. 

I am overweight, depressed, out of shape, sick, hormonal and unhappy. I look at my almost 2 year old and while I REALLY don't feel done with having children, I also know that 9 months on bedrest with a stitch and progesterone shot will rob her of having a mother at a crucial time for HER and her need as a toddler to explore.

Furthermore, I want to live to see her grow up and to grow old with my dear husband who is MORE than patient, kind and gentle with me. So I've decided to call it quits ttc through my own body. My thought was I was going to have a hysterectomy, get a lap band to aid with the plant based lifestyle and exercise I've been doing. Maybe even start a goal to train for an Iron Man Race. This of course is long term, but a significant goal that I can be proud of accomplishing.

God blessed us with two children already, when I never thought I could carry a child. Maybe His reason for all of this is because He knew if we had one more through my own body, we'd forget about adoption. My hope is that He will provide the finances we need to do so as well as lead us to the grants and funding that can help us achieve that goal.

While it breaks my heart to shut this door, I am REALLY excited for this new journey in my life. I can stop taking all the hormones, stop worrying about cycles and timing and FINALLY just be happy!

Many people may be wondering why I'm sharing this in a public forum. My focus always has been about being transparent with our fertility struggles so that my experiences can help other women going through the same thing. To let couples know that they are not alone in their fertility struggles and that there are other options available. My agenda to bring awareness to preterm loss as well as the many struggles of women around the world who REALLY long for just one child.

Please pray for us if you think about us over the next several weeks, months and years. That God will create a way to expand our family through adoption, the financial means to do so and will help us get healthy physically, finacially, emotionally and spiritually. 

3 comments:

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  3. I know how hearbreakingly painful it is to let go of that dream. It took me 17 years to accept that my body would not bear more than 2 children. You are smarter than I, in that it didn't take you even a quarter of the time it took me. Perhaps had I come to that realization sooner, I would have pursued adoption sooner. And had I pursued adoption sooner, perhaps it would have worked out.

    In the end, I spent 17 years of my life being unhappy and obsessed with something over which I had no control. I've even refused to be happy these past couple of years, because I'm not living where I want to live. I've finally realized that I've wasted 2 decades (!) of my life by being unhappy. I'm now choosing to be content.

    Love and hugs,
    Patti

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