Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Packing And Purging

Things are coming along nicely. I can't believe we're preparing to move in just a few short weeks to a home of our own. No more renting, no more white walls, no more crazy neighbors or cigarette smoke through the walls.

Of course this also means we're trading one headache for another. Since everything is our own, this of course means the expenses of renovating or fixing things is OURS too as I'm sure many of you know.

When our son passed away, if you would have asked me about my life I would have told you it felt over. No more joy or happiness. Today, while I'm STILL learning what complete JOY is I can say I never would have imagined holding my sweet girl in my arms and waiting to move into a home of our own.  These hearts desires were WAY out of reach and it was only God who made them exist.

Over 11 years ago I was told I'd never be able to conceive a child.  I not only conceived one, but TWO children.  I have one whom I can bask in the joy right now and one in Heaven to look forward to meeting.  Then there's the house.  Where we're living in New York State, homes are far above what they are worth and much of the time what we CAN afford wasn't really worth what they were asking. We'd have to gut many of the homes.  We just kept open to Gods direction. Lord, we're open to renting somewhere else OR we're open to purchasing a home of our own. We would LOVE to have a modest home in a safe neighborhood with working mechanics and sound foundation...if at all possible with a fence.  Sure enough...just when I started to get down, He provided.  EVEN through the dreaded home-buying process He provided.

I look back at my life and see where God was present in SO MUCH of it.  Even when I didn't know Him at all (and I'm still finding that I have so much further in getting to know Him).  There's not one aspect of my life that He didn't guide looking back.

Where I'm always on to the next best thing...right now, I just feel as though I need to STOP. Take a step back, Thank Him, Praise Him and just back in His glory.  I don't really feel at the moment that I need for anything.  I am content with what He's given me and while there are still hearts desires to be "fruitful", I am asking my Father in Heaven for His guidance and direction. In His time and IF it's in His plans for us.  Right now?  I'm considering this year a "work in progress".

I'd like to plan some Daddy and Me time with my Father in Heaven.  To learn more about Him and understand His will for me through His word. I'm understanding right now that there is much work to be done in my attitude and spirit. Something I'm guessing "may" take a lifetime to work out.  Whether it's attitude, weight, learning to be a help meet or a mother who builds up her husband and child or whether it's learning to be content or how to do things for the Lord in my daily life...I want to "Be Still".

I hope that one day my husband and child will call themselves blessed as I dedicate my life and home to Christ.

In the meantime.  I'll be packing up for a new journey with hopes to pack up some old attitudes and leave them at the Lords feet.

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