Family Christmas 2011

Classic Plaid Wishes Christmas Card

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Quirkiness Of Motherhood

Motherhood.  It's both the best job in the world and most likely one of the hardest titles in the world.  One that I am now learning isn't as easy as it looks!  It's the gift that keeps on giving but a responsibility that never seems to end.

Amelia and I have now hit the 6wk mark and we're STILL getting used to each other.  It seems that babies should come with a manual of some sort.  I find myself confused with specific cries pertaining to feeding, gas, dirty diapers and oh yes!  Mommy, I just want to be held.  Tie all that in with the fact that we get different suggestions from MANY medical staff on what to do for things from breastfeeding to development and you have two very DUMB individuals (well, not LITERALLY dumb) who haven't a clue. In fact, everything we thought we knew, we actually didn't.

Take breastfeeding for instance.  Breastfeeding seems to be a love/hate relationship with me.  I went into pregnancy not exactly thinking it would be easy but believed that it WOULD be a piece of cake IF my milk actually came in.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Seems that not only do I have to wait for my milk supply to come in (which medical staff freaked out about from day one with doubt that any would come in because it was taking too long) but my daughter also had to learn how to latch.  Both mother AND daughter had to learn.

Now here's the catch.  The hospital is pro-breastfeeding however, they're too quick to change stances when the body takes it's time and does what it needs to actually do.  There are limited lactation consultants and all of them have different methods, the nurses aren't taught (at least in our hospital) to educate their patients on how to use the breast pump to extract their supply to get the milk moving.  In fact, A bag of breast pump supplies was thrown over the breast pump and I was never honestly taught how to use it and what I needed to do which left me scared and confused.

Amelia had what was called "peanut butter tongue" where her tongue even now gets stuck to the roof of her mouth and she tries to suck that way.  She's learning but in the beginning it took HOURS before she'd latch and one nurse even darted to the room and interrupted us while breastfeeding to put a cold compress on her forehead to jolt her awake so she'd breastfeed correctly.  I was LIVID to say the least.  Later, the part-time NICU lactation consultant gave us a breast shield and Amelia started latching better.

Would you believe that every time a different nurse came by or Dr. they'd have their OWN idea of what works best and would ask us to change that method in place of their own?  NO WONDER Amelia, Doug and I were so confused about what was the right method to use.

Needless to say I'm learning 6wks in that not every infant is the same, nothing is really NORMAL per sey and that mommy as well as baby fall into what's right for them.  While not everything works to an exact art form, a simple solution is best worth looking at by allowing you and baby to bond and working with whatever works best.  There are plenty of ways to do things and everyone had their idea of what's right but I'm finding more and more that I'm freaking out over nothing.  God has a hand in all this and Amelia and I as well as daddy are getting through it and finding what works for US.

In the meantime, I'm sure many of you who are parents understand the newness of having your first child at home with you. Lack of sleep, lack of confidence and understanding.  If your breastfeeding, you may have experienced like me that you're days are more about being a milking cow than spending your days homemaking or errand running.  In fact, my home while slightly clean isn't as tidy as pre-pregnancy.   I'd like to leave you with a wise thought from a mother to her daughter:

1. Give yourself 3 months for the chaos to settle down. Expect it. It is normal. Mama has changed. The whole dynamics of the family has changed. Your father and I expect it after every baby. After three months, you will truly find it miraculous. You will say to yourself, "Things really seem to be calming down."

2. Expect nothing of yourself for the first six weeks. If you want to clean, clean. If you don't want to clean, don't clean. If you need to order pizza, order pizza. If you need to have the little ones watch a few extra movies, watch a few extra movies. Don't worry or stress about anything. Don't make this the time to judge if you are a good mother or not. You are tired. You are overwhelmed with gratitude for your new life. If you have weight to lose (like your mother), don't put pressure on yourself to get it off right away.

3. Remember your husband needs a break to. Your father and I try to go on a date shortly after we have a baby just so we can talk and look at each other. We've had the best talks and cries. I tell him my fears and he always calms me down and reassures me everything will be fine. Try to do small things to make him still feel so special even though you are completely consumed with the new baby.

4. After most of my babies, I feel a distance between me and my other children. It has helped me to take each of you on a date. It may be to Starbucks for a hot chocolate, or just along to the grocery store. I take this time to really focus on the child with me and to let them know how special and loved they still are to me.

4. Most women I talk to are so overwhelmed during the first three months after a baby, they feel as though they could never have another child. This isn't the time to be thinking of such decisions. Your life will settle down. This new person will very quickly become part of the rest of the crowd. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, over emotional, over tired, etc., etc. It is the map of this journey.

5. Do not put pressure on yourself about your "lack" of prayer life. I am not saying Do Not Pray, but don't beat yourself up for the sudden change in your prayer life. I often try to give God my little gifts...diaper changes, late night feedings, jealous two year olds. Sometimes all I can pray during the day are the simple words, "I love you, Lord." If you can, nothing is better than making a holy hour with your new baby. I love just sitting in His presence and saying or doing nothing. Sometimes, I cry. I tell Him my worries and ask Him to mend my heart. I ask Him to be with each child during this time and let them feel loved by Him.

6. Just a random memory I have: Shortly after one of my babies, it was a day that all were squirly including myself. Instead of correcting everybody and lecturing them about this and that I said, "That's it. Everybody get an ice cream bar." Your faces were wonderful. We went and sat outside and the ice cream was medicine. I know you all were expecting me to lecture and were quite surprised. It was a wonderful memory and not the norm, but sometimes necessary during hectic times.

These are just simple things, but have proven to be very helpful to me. I hope they are helpful to you. I love you and will be here for you if God calls you to the vocation of motherhood.

Origionally posted by Lindsay from My Child, I Love You.

Introducing Our Rainbow Baby

Sorry it's been awhile since posting.

Amelia Gabrielle Shearer arrived at 8:29am on Sept. 29th by c-section.  The section over all went well but felt kind of odd being pulled.  She came in weighing 8lbs 13oz's

She went up to NICU and they let her down two hours later only for her to go back up the following day because her sugars weren't stabilized.  It became rough from there. NICU was only "open" during certain times. DURING those times you had to breastfeed or feed your baby.  Amelia was learning to attach but has issues with peanut butter tongue...meaning her tongue goes to the roof of her mouth instead of lying at the bottom.  So that made our time spent there much later and gave her less time to latch on and get food. All the while, we'd get downstairs eat and instead of sleeping, we'd go back up for her feeding times.  It was awful seeing her on lead lines, being poked and prodded for testing.  I was obviously emotional seeing it.

She was finally sent back to us but then they said she had jaundice.  They wanted to keep her and we said okay, however the testing they did and then the light therapy left her without clothes on, cold, unswaddled and eyes always covered.  By the last 6 hours she'd had it and so did we. It was horrifying to go through with our little one.

We came home on day 5 of our stay and life has been better.  Amelia is latching on nicely, my milk has just come in and we're getting sleep when it comes.  It's been better together at home where we all belong. We're enjoying being a family now! My cup runneth over with abundant joy.

Wanted to share a few pics with you all.

                                                  The 1st time I saw my miracle baby.

                                                        Welcome Amelia Gabrielle!

                                      Cute little one.  I just love her more and more each day.

                                                   Amelia's first hour in her bassinete.

As of now, I'm recovering from the incision, have contracted PUPPS rash from pregnancy.  My abdomen is mishapen and my body has TONS of water retention in the abdomen especially, that is now leaking like I broke my water. I kept crying because I wondered if my body would look disfigured forever but have been told it will take time, and will get back to normal.

As I recover from the harder issues, I just keep looking at my daughter Amelia, my husband and our dogs and remember how blessed I am. My cup truly runneth over with abundant love! I thank God for all things INCLUDING my family. Praise be to God!

36wks And Counting!

Looking at the baby calculator spinning on my side bar, you'd think that Amelia is in position and head down.  NOPE!  Not my little one.  Haha  We've done several methods as described in spinningbabies.com the inversion method, massage technique, moxybustion. None have turned her.  She either goes from breech to transverse (which isn't any better of positions) or doesn't budge at all.

Since everything is so low, I decided NOT to do chiropractic prenatal adjustments and I refuse to do the external aversions that the Dr. uses to manipulate her into position.  My thought right now is that I've done everything I can to move her and there MUST be a reason she's refused to move.  So no more manipulation.  I mentioned I have a heart shaped uterus which can make it harder for baby to turn as she gets bigger but there could be a cord issue or I have SEVERE adema or water  swelling in the pelvic area which could be a reason too.  Whatever the case, she's just not ready.  As some of you have said, she "may" turn the very last minute.  We've left that open to her and God.

As it stands we have a c-section date scheduled for the first week in October.  This should give her enough time to turn on her own if she wants to while also being sure we're ready if she still hasn't turned.  Technically if an emergency arises and she's still breech we'll be going for an emergency c-section.  Hopefully none of that will take place and she'll be safe and healthy until God deems fit for her to be born. I'm at peace.  It's not exactly the birthing experience I had planned but I'm trusting that God knows all things and will be sure to keep us all safe.

Amelia gave us another facial picture last week and she weighs in at 7 lbs approximately.   Her amniotic fluid is on the high-normal side so we're praying it stays "normal".

I on the other hand feel like a truck.  Not only am I not comfortable to sleep, but with Amelia breech I'm finding that she's pushing everything up and I have acid reflux around the clock, her bum is sitting right on mine and I'm having constipation, there's lack of sleep and lots of water retention.  So far bp is fine and there are no signs of pre-eclampsia. We are definitely at the home stretch ladies and gents!  I hear these last few weeks can be a terror.  I'm trying to count my blessings and be grateful for a daughter through all the discomfort and also for a husband who is gracious, kind, loving and patient with me.  My moods haven't been the greatest these days.  He's taken the burden of so much of the house and helping me physically as well as his full time job at the hospital. Words can't express how grateful to God I am for Him.  He was certainly hand-picked by God to be my husband.  No other man could have endured what we have over the years along side me like this man who loves God and trusts Him solely.

A Lovely Baby Shower Celebration for Amelia's Upcoming Birth

My mom put it on and my mil and fil helped along with my husband, aunt and two friends from church.

Though not everyone showed up we still had over 40ppl in and out. It was truly a humbling experience and my first "baby shower" was so beautiful.

They gave me the job of designing the cake to keep me occupied during bed rest.  I took it to a cake decorator and she fulfilled my cute little dream for the cake.  I usually am the one that plans parties...the menu, the cakes, the days....I'm not used to being the center (of course it was Amelia but while she was present in my belly, she wasn't here in our arms quite yet).

The cake says "someone special, someone dear, someone near...is almost here.  Welcome Baby Amelia.

We got our stroller travel system (which I exchanged for the one we actually wanted from our registry), we got a matching pack n play system, a  Motorola digital monitoring system, a digital ear thermometer, a winter cover for the carseat, 6 all in one cloth diapers in the larger size (which are quite expensive...we need 36 over time so now we only need 30), pacifiers, Dr. Browns bottles for colic, breast feeding bottles and organizing system, lots of bibs, lots of onesies, lots of cute little outfits, lots of books, some towels, a white noise system with cute little ceiling animations that go around, bottle dryer, basket that goes in the dishwasher to keep baby nipples, pacifiers, spoons etc. to disinfect, baby journals, mommy journals, nipple covers to stop the milk from leaking, a bathtub faucet cover to protect from hot water, humidifier, stainless steel trashcan for her room to put the dirty cloth diapers in, lots of gift cards, money and more.

It was MORE than I imagined and I was humbled to the point of tears. This is just out of my comfort zone. The women that came to celebrate Amelia's upcoming arrival and the love they have for Doug, myself and Amelia were just over the top. I truly believe it takes a "village" to raise a child. Had many of these people not supported us through prayer, encouragement, meals, cleaning, etc....I may not have had this opportunity for bed rest and by the Grace of God I found several forums on Preterm Labor and Incompetent Cervix based on the findings from the placental autopsy and He led me to women like me for support....the outcome at 22wks may have been the same as Jacksons had I not educated myself and known about IC because I started to funnel and lose length at 19wks. Had I not fought to be monitored we would have lost Amelia like we did with Jackson at 22wks.  It was SO God to just take my hand and walk me through each step of the way. Carry me when I was unsure and keep Amelia safe from all the bacterial and yeast issues that landed us in the hospital.  Now here I am at 35 wks 2 days carrying a daughter whom I'll hold as my first living child in a matter of weeks.   It's just AMAZING!

So we received a lot of gifts...but I think the biggest of all was the love God gave to us and the human kindness not just from those present at the shower but it seems around the world through other means like the internet. I just feel abundantly blessed! Can't WAIT to hold my little girl in a few more weeks and share her with all of you.

Here are some more pics of the day:

"Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice....That's what little girls are made of".

The punch

The Menu

The awesome diaper cake my Cousin Tiff made with aio cloth diapers, onesies, TONS of bibs and a little tea set that will go with the theme of Amelia's room once the final design is finished!

My little cousin Jenny and I are pregnant together and get to share motherhood together. Her Colleen and my Amelia will hopefully come to know each other well! :pray

This is it for now.  Just thought I'd share a fun and happy moment filled with blessings!

It's nice to finally be in a spot where I'm not dealing with emergent and abnormal issues.  While I still could have her at anytime...she's healthy enough to have even now if thats when the Lord wills.  Right now she seems to be doing just fine and we stop injections after this fridays dose and they take the cerclage out a week from this friday "IF" we're not getting a c-section.  At this point we're talking about one because amelia keeps going from transverse to breech and is now transverse again.   Since I have a heart shaped uterus it's getting tight for her in there so I'm going for moxibustion therapy with an acupuncturist to try to turn her.  As we all know, this is between God and Amelia.  So I'm doing all I can and am at peace with whatever outcome we end up with as long as she's safe!

So that's an update for now!

Amelia 31wks and 5dys.

Amelia cooperated for just a few short seconds to take a 3D.  We are happy to announce she's at the 50th percentile at 4 lbs 4 oz and so far everything looks beautiful!  Thanks to the inversion method exercise I was able to help her move positions from breech to transverse with spine up and head down facing the left side.  This means that she is possibly turning soon.  I'm SO happy I tried this method that was suggested to me on spinningbabies.com .  Hopefully she'll stay in this position and smoothly move to ready herself in position for delivery.  It feels pretty good that she turned with me having a heart shaped uterus.  I'm told many of these babies don't have room to turn later on and c-sections are inevitable.  Here in the U.S., they pretty much do c-sections for EVERYTHING.  We have a high rate of sections here in New York State.

While I'm not apposed to c-section if in fact Amelia needs it, I would like a normal vaginal birth if we can.  There are so many benefits to vaginal delivery. One being that it takes less time to recover.  I'm all for that. In the longrun though, It doesn't matter how she gets here, just that she gets here safely!  I'm at peace and trusting in the Lord.

She looks a whole lot like her brother Jackson.  They are certainly daddy's kids.  His family traits with the nose and mouth.  I have this feeling she'll have a tall torso like her brother and daddy as well.  What a blessing to finally see this little girl of ours! My cup runneth over.

To think we'll see her in less than 2 months is BEYOND joy to my heart and I only have God to thank for His lovingkindness and of course many of my dear friends who've been here praying for us.  Tis a gift from God for sure!

Love to you all.

A New Car for Us And A Few Updates...

So here's our new minivan!  We got a great deal with low interest. By the grace of God our first choice didn't work out. They wouldn't work with our ideal interest and budget.  It had 47k miles for a 2009.  THEN I kept praying that God would either close the door or open a new one.

In this case, the first choice didn't work out but God had a better one for us. We got this 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan loaded with only 27k miles on it for much less than the other vehicle, the interest is beyond EXCELLENT and fits our budget.  The best part is it's a 7 passenger seating which fold down into the floors for more room.  The seats feel like they're hugging us and the air conditioning. Lets just say when it's been REALLY hot here we've been taking country drives to cool off.

Amelia will fit safely in the van, the dogs love it and we will be able to fit everything in for a future vacation next year.  THAT my dear friends is a joy and one that I'm praising God for.  Just to have a safer vehicle than our Santa Fe that kept having different things break on us.  It's a comfort and God knew what we needed, when we needed it.

In other news.... Amelia is 30wks 5 days today and she's rambunctious!  She's been moving around and using my bladder like a soccer ball while her weight is weighing heavily on my lower back.

I've been able to get out of bed rest with moderation in movement but I keep seeming to overdo this new freedom.  I landed in the Dr.'s office this week to check for contractions.  No contractions thank goodness but I'm getting back pain REALLY bad!  Amelia passed one of her stress tests.

If you will, a prayer request we have these days is that she'll turn from her breech position.  While it's still early at 30wks I just found out from research that babies in a heart-shaped uterus such as mine tend to have trouble moving into the birthing position. Usually it's best to try to move them between second trimester and 30wks which Is almost over for me. ((Sigh)) This "could" mean c-section if she continues to stay breech and I would LOVE to have a natural vaginal birth if at all possible.  Please pray that by Gods hand, our little Amelia will turn before she gets too big so we can enjoy the gift of delivering her and having the time to bond with her right away.  Whatever means she's born we'll be content and know that we did all we could and God provided HIS way as the way.

Next week if Amelia cooperates, we may have a 3D picture to show.  She hasn't been very cooperative thus far so please don't get too excited!  My hope is she'll cooperate enough to get some good photo's as keepsakes for her in the future.  I'd LOVE to start a "hope chest" for her and place that in there as her very first item.

Love and hugs to you all!